Articles by Whiteheart

Who others tell me I should be is like the etchings of ant trails on the trunk of my soul-those tiny voices have readily carved their impressions on my being visible to everyone that knows me-except me.

Who I tell myself that I should be is a reflection of those tiny voices causing me to color my interpretation of myself often without me even knowing it.

Who I am at my center is deeply vulnerable, soft and decaying because I have listened longer to those voices outside of myself than I have heard my own songs. I have allowed those impressions to weaken my core.

But I am changing my story and my story is changing me because…

WHO I REALLY AM is hidden beneath the eaten bark and external vibrations of others. I am solid, strong, and stable with rings of existence that precede all space and time unknown to those who know me and yet to be fully embraced by me.

At my core I am vibrant, beautiful, and wise. I am repairing and rebuilding my center with the quiet songs of my spirit that are growing louder from the inside out everyday.

WideHeart
10-10-04

In the last article, we explored how our bodies are unconsciously and miraculously maintained by rhythms. We also pondered whether or not we have control over any of these repetitious cycles necessary for survival. If you tried the exercise I mentioned when feeling scattered (taught to me by Barry Bernstein and Ubaka Hill) maybe you discovered that when you introduce a strong rhythmic intention into your environment it can actually override those internal patterns. You may already know that when it comes to rhythm, we give up the struggle to be separate, apart from, or uniquely individual to find the place of UNITY between us. This phenomenon is known as entrainment and science shows that our brainwaves actually change to seek balance and reflect the rhythms we play. If rhythm changes the rate at which your brain interacts with your body, it in turn affects the rate your lungs are breathing, your heart is beating, and ultimately the way you are feeling! Maybe you're already familiar with the teachings of ancient cultures where the drum is used to induce trancelike states to connect with Spirit for wisdom. Well this is my discovery of Spirit through rhythm though I had no idea that would be the end result!

When I first became aware of this phenomenon of entrainment I was both fascinated and scared. At first, it was a beautiful, yet strange, thing to be able to share this feeling of oneness with a group of people that I didn't even know. Before the drum circle, I never really had any sort of group interaction with others except group therapy. Like therapy, I had time to share a little individually yet was ultimately affected by the experiences and sharing of others in the group. Unlike therapy though, I could focus on being more a part of the group without having to be at the center or a focus of attention. It was about the WE and this felt familiar and intriguing! I thought, I want to know more and grow more! I thought, I want to share this beauty of drumming with others. So, I began to participate in drum circles! Thank goodness for the internet, because it was here that I learned about a way to introduce drum circles to those who may have never even experienced them! My opportunities for participating were very limited (I had only participated in 3 circles prior to this adventure) but I knew that I wanted to learn more so I could share with others and drum more often too!

On one learning journey, six years ago, I went to California to experience the teachings of those considered masters who facilitate drum circles (Arthur Hull and Christine Stevens). The intrigue led me there but when we all started playing , I got really scared. I was in the company of over 50 solid percussionists, who pounded out rocking rhythms that were immediately embedded deep into my soul. As a recovering codependent who seemed to be in a safe place on my journey, I was on shaky ground. Why? Because I found myself enveloped by and lost within those rhythms. When I first arrived there, I was looking to affirm that this was in fact the INDIVIDUAL I was meant to be. It was essential to my journey to claim the fullest and brightest self I've always wanted to be and I felt like maybe this was my path for doing so. But, there were no boundaries of where I began and where the rhythm ended. When we stopped drumming for the day, it wasn't over for hours in my head and body. I was plagued with the rhythms invading my much needed time to think and rest. There's no way this could be healthy for me! I had lost my identity through enmeshment with other people all of my codependent life and I recognized this familiar feeling and thought maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.

As a facilitator, you have to be able to find the balance between giving yourself to be part of the whole and defining when there needs to be some direction given to the group as a leader. As you can tell, I wasn't at that place. At that time I wasn't really quite sure who I was yet individually, which would impact my ability to lead. And emotionally, I just didn't have any clue as to what it meant to give myself without feeling lost again. When the workshop was over I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained. With crushed dreams, I thought, there's no way I'm cut out for this kinda thing. Oh yeah, and by the way, just what did one of my teachers mean by signing my instructor's manual "Welcome to Rhythm Church"? I wasn't in touch with any kind of religion whatsoever. I've only observed maybe 20 church services throughout my 39 years. So, the reference to church just didn't make sense to me and besides that's not the reason why I went all the way out to California!

In looking back, I know what was meant. I remember two instances that were so poignant in recovering my Spirit Self. One time, I was physically no longer able to participate in the workshop due to stimulus overload. I was disoriented and crying unable to continue participating. I thought how could I ever do this for a living? I'm too darn sensitive to sound! The other time was at the closing ceremony when I was on my knees shamelessly and uncontrollably flooding the floor with tears of gratitude and humility in front of everyone. I recognized there was something greater happening to me but I didn't understand it. All I knew is that I was crushed because my connection to rhythm was not consistent with what I had perceived it to be prior to this weekend. But, because I was so deeply overcome with something more than personal disappointment, when I returned home, I clung to this feeling looking to define it's purpose. I finally have clarity. My seasoned understanding is so much greater than my initial expectations! I have come to appreciate my extreme sensitivity to sound as a blessing. Because it was with my ears that I ultimately gained the understanding that this experience was about accepting into my life ONE LOVE. For me, the drum circle is a divine place where I ADD my heart's identity to share with the sacred beat of all hearts. Here, the differences we may bring with us are perfectly blended together into one glorious sound where are all welcome, all are equal, and all are whole as I listen with the ears of my heart! My experiences are deeply spiritual, often ecstatic, always sublime, and ever growing. In all ways, I proclaim rhythm's healing wisdom in my life for I am no longer lost! I know I am in perfect unity/entrainment with the eternal heartbeat of love when I play. For this reason, I regard the drum circle as sacred as well as the fact that embracing my joy is sacred too!

Whiteheart
February 2nd 2004

What is it about the rhythm that seems so familiar and makes us feel at home? Maybe it’s because our lives depend on rhythmic rituals performed by our bodies without us even thinking about it! As living things we depend on repetitious cycles to keep us alive to breathe, eat, rest, and be productive so we can carry our intentions out into the world. Take a moment to reflect…right now you are breathing; right now your heart is beating without having to do anything! You are a rhythmic wonder blessed with the rhythms of life!

Let’s further explore and honor how rhythm influences us. We are creatures of habits that are necessary for survival right? But do your life’s circumstances dictate what those habits are or, can you honor what feels true for you? For instance, do you notice certain times of the day you feel most hungry or are you eating because it’s “time to eat”? Are you more of a night owl but most of your life’s activities occur during the day? Are you aware that repetitious patterns of behavior can be of benefit or detriment? Like, maybe you do something daily that makes you feel connected to spirit. Or, maybe you always react the same way when someone does such and such that results in conflict. There are some patterns you have influence upon and some patterns that have influence upon you. Choosing to explore further may deepen your understanding of how we are connected to rhythm, its uses and purposes. You may even discover how rhythm may be used more fully for your healing or growth.

Here are some examples of how a rhythmic knowledge can be important in your life. A simple and effective way to break up the rhythm of a behavior pattern you may habitually repeat is to just pause. It causes you to think before impulsively acting. Here’s another idea, if you discover that you’re out of sync or feeling scattered and need clarity try playing the drum at a slow steady rhythm for a few minutes. Or maybe clap your hands or tap your foot, just get into it. Get your mind outta the way and trust that your body knows what to do! Remember that rhythms are necessary for survival our lives depend on them! The key is to know what you can change and what you can’t. Regarding the things you can change, it’s really all about being aware of your current state and the fact that you have a choice. I’m getting a little sluggish from sitting and writing so I’m gonna choose to change my rhythm and shake things up a bit. You know, shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake my booty!

Blessings and Beats
Whiteheart
December, 2003